y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
