At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He passed out mid-signature
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
