Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
