first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
