Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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