Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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