what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
