thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone came in the potted fern
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
