I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I understand Curling. That high.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
