he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
