he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
