i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
