and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
