everyone is single if you try hard enough
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
