In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
