i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
