What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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