She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
