Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
