My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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