If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
