I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
