They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
