how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
