I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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