Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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