so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
