Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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