i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
