my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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