Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
