we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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