he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
