Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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