Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
