she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
