we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
