I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
