do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ttyl tear gas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
