I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize