I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
