I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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