what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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