You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
