On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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