One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
