just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
