If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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