Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
