Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
