Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
