And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
