DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
