Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
