Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
