If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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