do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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