i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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