pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
