Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
