Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
