whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
