i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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