Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
