I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
