he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
